Just lie back and think of England

Eurovision fever has hit the country. Well, slight exageration. More like a few loyal fans will be forfitting their Saturday night to watch possibly the worst ever song contest. Which is why we love it. It's so bad that its good. Almost. And lets face it, it's alway funny when the scores come out. Its a perfect forecourt for European countries, or EBU countries,( explaining the presence of a load of counties I've never heard of) to show who they don't like. It isn't even about the songs anymore. The same coutries always vote for each other despite the quality of the song. Cyprus will vote for Greece, Greece will vote for Cyprus, the Baltic countries always vote for each other, the Scandinavian's stick together, and Germany is last, like the fat kid in gym class that nnobody likes.
This year, the UK, Malta and Cyprus exchange goodwill points, while Ireland's eight points to its nearest neighbour saved singer Javine from the 'nul points' shame of last year.
Critics say the competition is marred by tactical voting. Last night saw the last four places go to Spain, the United Kingdom, France and Germany. Wonder why?
Turkey, however, caused the auditorium to erupt when they presented their old adversary Greece with full marks. First time for everything!
And Eurovision wouldn't be Eurovision without Terry Wogan and his commentary. This man takes not taking it seriously, seriously. He spends his time mocking the competition and yet year on year he is again the face of Eurovision. And it really is classic.
Woganisms
'Lie back and think of England.'
'It's a battle between the singing and the hair.'
'I wouldn't suggest you tactically vote... but use your vote wisely.'
'I like the Portugese song - thats the kiss of death of course.'
'Put the kettle on mother, its going to be a long night.'
'There's skin and hair flying in all directions.'
'Does anyone know where Maldova is?'
'I believe you are in league with the butcher.'
'There's a flash of Maltese leg coming up, that I think you'll enjoy.'
'The UK have nil points, send the gun boat.'
'Oh look, its Doctor Death and the Tooth Fairy.'

The songs from Eurovision really are possibly the worst songs you will ever hear. With the worst singers. And they really did excell themselves in cheesy, badly written songs this year. By the way, congratulations Greece.